SH*TCOINS - Card Game

Sh*tcoin (shɪt-koyn)

noun

  1. A digital asset with little to no real-world value, typically hyped by online communities for short-term gains and long-term regrets.
  2. A cryptocurrency often named after animals, memes, or outright nonsense, bought on the wild hope of "making it to the moon."

usage:
"After aping into a sh*tcoin called DogeBonk, Kevin watched in horror as his portfolio tanked overnight—but hey, at least the memes were worth it."

Instructions

Welcome to the Wild World of Wash Trading!

In SH*TCOINS, you’re not just a card player—you’re a master of the wild, unpredictable blockchain market, manipulating trades and inflating the value of your favorite digital assets! It’s not about who has the best hand; it’s about who plays the system behind the scenes best. Get ready to flip poker on its head.
But be careful, because every move you make might be exactly what someone else has been manipulating you into doing. Just like in the real world of wash trading, you could end up doing all the hard work while others reap the rewards.

What You Need To Play

  • A standard 52-card deck. Pretend each card is a rare, one-of-a-kind NFT or sh*tcoin named after a dog, with a shady backstory and absolutely no real-world value.
  • 3-6 players ready to make trades, throw shade, and possibly take your money out of nowhere.
  • Poker chips, bottle caps, buttons—whatever you’ve got to serve as currency. Start with 50 chips each.
  • A good poker face—or just embrace the chaos and lean into the madness.

Setup

Assign Secret Suits

  • Shuffle the deck and deal one card face down to each player. This is your secret suit—keep it hidden until the game ends.
  • Once everyone has a secret suit, shuffle the deck again and deal 5 cards to each player. These are your sh*tcoins, NFTs, and crypto to trade, pump, and dump.

Who Goes First?

  • The player with the lowest-value card (out of their 5) starts. Play proceeds clockwise.

Hand Reveal

  • In SH*TCOINS, transparency rules—everyone keeps their hands face up for all to see. Secret suits remain hidden until the end.

Gameplay

Players take turns offering trades, trying to build the best poker-style hand. Here’s the twist: every trade costs chips (gas fees), and you might be setting up someone else’s big payday if their secret suit sneaks into the winning hand.

Turn Structure

  1. Offer a Trade
    On your turn, you must offer a trade to at least one player. Pay 1 chip per card you’re offering into the pot ("gas fee").
    Example: "I’ll trade my 7♠ and 10♦ for your K♣," says Alice. She throws 2 chips in the pot.
  2. Accept or Refuse the Trade
    • If accepted: The other player matches the chips (pays their own gas fees), and the trade happens.
    • If refused: The initiating player discards a card, draws a new one, and the chips stay in the pot.
  3. Refill Your Hand
    After each trade (or discard), both players draw enough cards to refill their hands back to 5.
  4. End Your Turn
    Once the trade (or discard) is complete, the next player takes their turn.

Ending the Game

The game ends when the deck runs out of cards. Now it’s time to see who really played the game best.

Scoring and Pot Distribution

Hand Score (Determining the Winner)

At the end, everyone reveals their hands. Rank them by standard poker rules (Pair, Two Pair, Three of a Kind, Straight, Flush, Full House, Four of a Kind, Straight Flush, Royal Flush, etc.).
The player with the best poker hand wins the pot... or so they think!

Suit Reveal (Pot Splitting)

  • After the winner is declared, everyone reveals their secret suit.
    • If the winning hand contains 2+ cards from the same suit, all players with that secret suit split the pot equally with the winner.
    • Example: Alice wins with a full house (A♠ A♦ A♥, K♥, K♣). Bob has Hearts as his secret suit. Since Alice has two Hearts, Alice and Bob split the pot.
    • If more than one player has the matching secret suit, all split equally. If there’s an odd chip, it goes to the wash traders—not the poker winner.
    • If the winning hand contains only one matching suit, the winner keeps the full pot.

How to Win

The player with the best hand technically "wins," but thanks to the secret suit mechanic, they might have to split the pot. The game continues until only two players remain. Once it's down to two, there’s no one left to manipulate. Just like that, crypto proves it’s not really a zero-sum game after all!

Why It’s Called SH*TCOINS

In crypto, shady traders artificially pump assets through deals and manipulated trades. In SH*TCOINS, the winner might build the best hand, but thanks to hidden suit manipulation, others (the "wash traders") can swoop in and claim a big cut at the last second. It’s frustrating, chaotic, and the perfect way to show just how unfair—and hilariously unpredictable—the market can be.
Get ready to trade, manipulate, and laugh as one player's big win turns into a shared payday for their secret suit buddy. Welcome to the world of SH*TCOINS!

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